On 5 Jun 2004 23:15:24 -0700, (Mean Mr Mustard)
wrote:

Unfortunately, I drew the short straw and will be heading to Europe on
a business trip this summer. Now my primary concern is just making
sure I get through this trip and back to the US safely in one piece.
I figure this will be a challenging task with all the reports of
anti-American protests and assaults on American tourists.

Please could you cite a a report regarding attacks on American
tourists?


That said I'm trying to compile a list of tactics that will prevent me
from being a target:

1. Never dress casual - I figure most Americans can be spotted a mile
away by something "wrong" with their wardrobe. Tailored English suit
should help keep me out of trouble.

Tailored English suit will make you look like a raving capitalist or
nobby landowner.

2. No shouting or raised voices - Always speak at a level tone

Only in England or Finland.

3. Show no emotion – No laughing, no smiling, no signs of frustration
or desperation.

You *will* stick out like a sore thumb then!

4. Do not leave the hotel except for business – When the business
meetings are over, head straight back to the hotel and stay there.

Which part of Europe are you going to? Napoli?

5. No American greetings – "Hey", "Hi", "Howdy" and "Yo" are banned.

Do Americans really say that?

6. No hand gestures when talking – especially no pointing

Except in Italy.

7. Walk upright; do not flail arms too wildly when walking.

Lol...I must visit America...sounds most amusing!

8. "Bob's Your Uncle" – Rumor has it that this phrase will stop an on
coming mob of hooligans in their tracks but I haven't confirmed this?

Taking all your clothes off would probably be more effective and would
guarantee instant protection by policemen.

9. Correct words - "petrol" instead of "gas" or "fag" instead of
"cigarrette"

No-one cares.

10. Little Canadian flag lapel pin - Last resort, but I think the
Europeans would just assume I'm an American trying to fool them with a
little Canadian flag pin.

Come to England where most people wouldn't be able to tell the
difference.

Any other suggestions?

How about paranoia therapy?