Encounters with the TSA

Last month fly from LHR to PDX out bound via LAX and home via ORD.

The flight out on UA was in 36 years of flying the very best experience
I have ever had. Excellant food and a crew whose service was second to
none.

At LAX we transferred terminals and had our first encounter this year
with the TSA. I was expecting to take my laptop out of the rack sack I
was carrying it in, one designed for computers and recommend by others
on this group. It did its job well except for this one time. It refused
to release the laptop for examination. Now why the TSA are incapable of
x-raying laptops in bags like most other security people I don't know
but of course the more I tugged the more stubborn the laptop/bag became.
An empty queue became a longish one and there was much teeth sucking and
tut tutting from the man behind Mrs Lansbury. The more he tutted the
more the laptop refused to slide out. In fact if the TSA guy had just
held the bottom of the rucksack it would have solved the problem but he
refused my polite request to do so and just stood there laughing at me.
In the end the guy in the queue tutted once too often and I enquired if
he had much money invested in his dental work. Solved the problem
because the laptop then popped out of the bag.

Placed my items in the tray and went towards the arch. As I did so I
took my cap off and held it so the TSA woman could see the inside. It is
normal in the UK to do this. She thrust a fist towards me and started
screaming but as she was incapable of speaking clear English and was
screaming I couldn't understand what she was saying. A guy behind me
came up and told me she wanted me to put my cap back on, which I did.
This resulted in her pushing me back as I went to go through the arch
and more screaming. The guy then said she wants you to take your cap off
walked back behind the yellow line on our side of the arch and put your
cap back on. This I did and went through no problems. Collected my gear
and turned to see where Mrs Lansbury was. She was on a chair, no shoes,
clothing in disarray being wanded by two TSA staff who had the wand up
the inside of her blouse and were not being careful as to want might be
being shown to the male passengers walking past. After much discussing
and wanding and prodding of her body, all in public view, they decided
her bra fastener had set the detector off and let her through. We
reached PDX without further incident but she was very embarrassed by the
fact that she had been searched in public view, she understood why but
not the how.

On the way home we checked in our four very large cases, Mrs Lansbury is
American and only buys her clothes when we are in the US not liking the
English fit or style, and promptly got selected to have them randomly
searched. The UA check in woman was very helpful directed me where to
take the cases while she finished printing out the luggage tags and then
came over, put them on the bags and gave us our boarding cards. The bags
were left to be checked as the TSA would then hand them bag to the
airline. There was more bags there then they could cope with and they
were first sorted into flight departure times, for checking later. In
fact they only opened one of the four bags, the one Mrs Lansbury had
packed her favourite brand of orange grease remover in which she swears
England has no equivalent of. The TSA had opened and then not screwed
the cap back on it properly so it had leaked over the contents of the
bag. Fortunately the bag with older clothing in and it washed out ok.

At security the laptop came out first time a good start I thought, I
emptied my pockets into the tray and went to walk through the arch, (no
cap this time it went in my carry on at check in). Stopped going through
the arch told to take my watch off. Place watch in another tray and go
to walk through the arch. Stopped and told to take my trouser belt off.
I said it hasn't caused any problems anywhere else and got told "We keep
our machines set on a much more sensitive setting than other
airports.You haven't travelled through Portland before". Not the sort of
thing to be saying in public, still go back take my watch off and put it
in a tray and go to walk through the arch. Get stopped for a third time
and told to take my shoes off. I do so go back put them in a tray and go
through the arch. As I go through I said to the guy wouldn't it have
been easier to mention all three items in one go to which he replied
"Teach you to do it properly next time". I amazed myself at the self
control I exhibited while I bite my tongue.

Spent a pleasant hour in the Red Carpet Club and go to the gate. As we
sit down the woman on the seat opposite reaches into her bag pulls out
her knitting along with two large knitting needles and proceeds to click
away. Which I think just about sums up the professionalism or lack
thereof of the TSA.
--
Lansbury