Checking In - Update!

Hey guys. I know it's been quite a while since I've posted anything here.
I've not had newsgroup access on my laptop. I know I coulda gotten to the
group through the web, but that's entirely too much work for me to mess
with.

On August 1st my Mom was diagnosed with lung cancer. I went to East Texas to
drive her to chemo and radiation. I was there until mid November. 2 days
after I left (after her radiation and chemo were done with) she had 2 back
to back strokes. Medicaid wouldn't pay for the hospitalization unless she
agreed to stay in a nursing home for 30 days, so I stayed home for a few
weeks.

I took the Grand Princess out of Galveston on December 3rd with a group of
friends. Then went straight back to my mom's house. She was released from
the nursing home the day after I got back to Longview.

Her cancer had spread, contrary to what the oncologist originally told us
once radiation and chemo were through. It had spread from her left lung to
the right lung (as well as enlarging in the left), both kidneys, her spleen,
bones and brain (the cause of the strokes).

A couple days after Christmas, we decided it was time to call Hospice to
help us out a little bit.

On February 21st at 9pm my Mother passed away in her sleep. That morning we
decided to start a sedation therapy, and that allowed her to let go. The
sedation therapy was just one of the many many decisions I had to make with
no help from my Step Father, brothers or sister. (I literally had no help
from anyone even though they were all there with us)

She was buried yesterday February 25th. Which was also my 35th birthday. As
hard as that was, I think in the end I'll find it a therapeutic thing. My
mother brought me into the world 35 years ago and on the anniversary of
that, I saw her out of this world.

Taking care of my mother was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I had
absolutely no help until the last week or so when my Grandparents came to
Longview to be there until mom passed. I was having to give her liquid
morphine every hour (as prescribed) through a Foley catheter. She was no
longer able to swallow and the taste and smell of the morphine made her
dry-heave. She had gone 54 days without eating. She got to where she craved
food, so I would make or buy her whatever she was craving. She and I knew
she couldn't eat it, so I'd cut off small bites of whatever she was wanting.
She'd chew on it a few times then spit it out. At least she had the pleasure
of tasting the foods she wanted.

It was difficult when the dementia set in and she had very few lucid
moments. I'll never forget the terror in her eyes every time someone else
tried to adjust her pillows or wet her lips etc... She only wanted me to do
it.

There was only 1 point where I had to leave her bedroom because of something
she had said. After giving her the morphine once, she started praying out
loud. She said "God please forgive my son for killing me. I never will and
he'll never forgive himself". I do know that this wasn't my mother speaking,
but the medication. But no matter what knowledge I have, it still hurt quite
a bit to hear those words in her voice.

I'm home now and I feel completely lost. It's going to be hard getting used
to not having to check on my mother every 30 minutes day and night. But I
know in my heart that things are better now. At least her pain and fear have
ended.

This has been the longest 6 months of my life. And although I know it'll get
worse before it gets better, I know my mom's no longer hurting or ill.

Now to make this an on topic post:

I've got 4 cruises booked for this year. I'm giving NCL another try on 4/1
on the Dream then on the 8th we're driving to Galveston to board the Grand
Princess again (my 4th time). I'll also be doing the Conquest in October and
the Grand once again in December. I lucked into an aft balcony cabin for an
incredibly cheap price, so I couldn't resist booking it (plus they were
running a $100pp deposit special!)

The 4/8 cruise will be nice because a cruising friend is getting married
onboard before we leave port.

So now that I'm home, I should be able to be more active online. At least to
add my random comments

Hope you all have a great Monday!

LES!

"LES!" wrote in message
. ..
Hey guys. I know it's been quite a while since I've posted anything here.
I've not had newsgroup access on my laptop. I know I coulda gotten to the
group through the web, but that's entirely too much work for me to mess
with.

On August 1st my Mom was diagnosed with lung cancer. I went to East Texas
to
drive her to chemo and radiation. I was there until mid November. 2 days
after I left (after her radiation and chemo were done with) she had 2 back
to back strokes. Medicaid wouldn't pay for the hospitalization unless she
agreed to stay in a nursing home for 30 days, so I stayed home for a few
weeks.

I took the Grand Princess out of Galveston on December 3rd with a group of
friends. Then went straight back to my mom's house. She was released from
the nursing home the day after I got back to Longview.

Her cancer had spread, contrary to what the oncologist originally told us
once radiation and chemo were through. It had spread from her left lung to
the right lung (as well as enlarging in the left), both kidneys, her
spleen,
bones and brain (the cause of the strokes).

A couple days after Christmas, we decided it was time to call Hospice to
help us out a little bit.

On February 21st at 9pm my Mother passed away in her sleep. That morning
we
decided to start a sedation therapy, and that allowed her to let go. The
sedation therapy was just one of the many many decisions I had to make
with
no help from my Step Father, brothers or sister. (I literally had no help
from anyone even though they were all there with us)

She was buried yesterday February 25th. Which was also my 35th birthday.
As
hard as that was, I think in the end I'll find it a therapeutic thing. My
mother brought me into the world 35 years ago and on the anniversary of
that, I saw her out of this world.

Taking care of my mother was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I had
absolutely no help until the last week or so when my Grandparents came to
Longview to be there until mom passed. I was having to give her liquid
morphine every hour (as prescribed) through a Foley catheter. She was no
longer able to swallow and the taste and smell of the morphine made her
dry-heave. She had gone 54 days without eating. She got to where she
craved
food, so I would make or buy her whatever she was craving. She and I knew
she couldn't eat it, so I'd cut off small bites of whatever she was
wanting.
She'd chew on it a few times then spit it out. At least she had the
pleasure
of tasting the foods she wanted.

It was difficult when the dementia set in and she had very few lucid
moments. I'll never forget the terror in her eyes every time someone else
tried to adjust her pillows or wet her lips etc... She only wanted me to
do
it.

There was only 1 point where I had to leave her bedroom because of
something
she had said. After giving her the morphine once, she started praying out
loud. She said "God please forgive my son for killing me. I never will and
he'll never forgive himself". I do know that this wasn't my mother
speaking,
but the medication. But no matter what knowledge I have, it still hurt
quite
a bit to hear those words in her voice.

I'm home now and I feel completely lost. It's going to be hard getting
used
to not having to check on my mother every 30 minutes day and night. But I
know in my heart that things are better now. At least her pain and fear
have
ended.

This has been the longest 6 months of my life. And although I know it'll
get
worse before it gets better, I know my mom's no longer hurting or ill.

Now to make this an on topic post:

I've got 4 cruises booked for this year. I'm giving NCL another try on 4/1
on the Dream then on the 8th we're driving to Galveston to board the Grand
Princess again (my 4th time). I'll also be doing the Conquest in October
and
the Grand once again in December. I lucked into an aft balcony cabin for
an
incredibly cheap price, so I couldn't resist booking it (plus they were
running a $100pp deposit special!)

The 4/8 cruise will be nice because a cruising friend is getting married
onboard before we leave port.

So now that I'm home, I should be able to be more active online. At least
to
add my random comments

Hope you all have a great Monday!

LES!
Dear Les,
Let me be the first to offer my condolences to you on the loss of your
mother. You seem to be in an amazing state of mind considering all that you
have been through. My own mom lived with me for the last 4 years of her
life and my experience so closely mirrors your that I could have written
your account myself. She passed in 1991, when I was 33, so I have some
distance in my perspective. You will never be sorry for being there for
her. It will give you great comfort and confidence throughout your life
knowing that you did what was right, and everything in your power for the
woman who brought you into this world. Never let your step father nor
emotionally absent siblings cause you any distress. There is always one
person in every family who ends up stepping up to the plate. For whatever
reason, choice or inability, you did, and they didn't.
I am sure that your mom will be with you forever, as is mine. Raise a glass
to her on each cruise and enjoy yourself in a way that you never have. You
have seen how fleeting life is. Let your legacy be that your lived yours to
the fullest.
Momma

"LES!" wrote in message
. ..

snip

A couple days after Christmas, we decided it was time to call Hospice to
help us out a little bit.

On February 21st at 9pm my Mother passed away in her sleep. That morning
we
decided to start a sedation therapy, and that allowed her to let go. The
sedation therapy was just one of the many many decisions I had to make
with
no help from my Step Father, brothers or sister. (I literally had no help
from anyone even though they were all there with us)

She was buried yesterday February 25th. Which was also my 35th birthday.
As
hard as that was, I think in the end I'll find it a therapeutic thing. My
mother brought me into the world 35 years ago and on the anniversary of
that, I saw her out of this world.


Les, I am fairly new here and don't remember you before you left, but sorry
to hear this bad news.

I lost my dad in 1999 to a stroke which I fully believe was caused by chemo.
The last four or five years of his life was not the quaility of life that he
was used to. My dad started going down hill when his only grandchild (my
son) was about one year old. My son never knew the "real PawPaw", he just
remembered the old guy that always sat on the couch and had to get someone
to help him get up. My dad passed away before his other two grandkids were
born. At the end, mom had to bath him, he couldn't eat and had a feeding
tube in his stomach. But he is in a better place now, thankfully.

I also lost my aunt (mom's little sister) to cancer almost 1 year ago. The
last 3 weeks were pretty rough. She had hospice come in and mom and one of
their brothers stayed there with my aunt in her apartment 24/7 along with
the hospice nurses. She was also on morphine via an IV. It had been about 3
weeks since I saw her last and went to visit about 2 weeks before she passed
away. When I saw the shape that she was in, we would drive 30 miles one way
across town a couple times a week until she passed. She couldn't speak, and
could barely squeeze your hand, but she always smiled a huge smile when she
would hear our voices. Made us feel so good. She didn't eat for at least 3
weeks that I know of.


snip


There was only 1 point where I had to leave her bedroom because of
something
she had said. After giving her the morphine once, she started praying out
loud. She said "God please forgive my son for killing me. I never will and
he'll never forgive himself". I do know that this wasn't my mother
speaking,
but the medication. But no matter what knowledge I have, it still hurt
quite
a bit to hear those words in her voice.


You are right, it was the morphine talking. Luckily my aunt never said
anything like that when we were there, but mom said that my aunt did tell
mom something like that. Hurt moms feelings really bad. I did everything to
assure mom that Ann didn't know what she was saying.


snip




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LES! wrote:
Hey guys. I know it's been quite a while since I've posted anything here.
I've not had newsgroup access on my laptop. I know I coulda gotten to the
group through the web, but that's entirely too much work for me to mess
with.

On August 1st my Mom was diagnosed with lung cancer. (snip amazingly loving and selfless tale of devotion)

Les, I always look forward to your upbeat and helpful posts, and am
terribly sorry to hear of your loss. As painful as it is, I'm sure you
will take much comfort out of knowing you did everything possible to
ease your mom's passing.

Welcome back.

~ Peri

Hi Les,

It's nice to see you back. I'm sorry to hear about your mother. I know
it's a hard process to go through. When Barb's Dad was suffering with
Parkinson's, he had many times when the dementia thing completely overtook
any reason. There never was a more faithful wife than Barb's Mom, but he
accused her of all sorts of indiscretions. It's part of the beast.

You can rest assured that the pain will, in time, go away. When I lost my
Mom in a car accident, way back in 1967, I thought the pain of the loss
would go on forever, but she visited me in my dreams and told me that
everything was going to work out. I haven't heard from her in many years,
but I'm sure she is still guarding my pathway, and, as she told me, things
are working out fine in my life.

Are you joining our Sleazy group for Haloween on the Conquest?

Tobieon an Island in the Pacific

"LES!" wrote in message
. ..
Hey guys. I know it's been quite a while since I've posted anything here.
I've not had newsgroup access on my laptop. I know I coulda gotten to the
group through the web, but that's entirely too much work for me to mess
with.

On August 1st my Mom was diagnosed with lung cancer. I went to East Texas
to
drive her to chemo and radiation. I was there until mid November. 2 days
after I left (after her radiation and chemo were done with) she had 2 back
to back strokes. Medicaid wouldn't pay for the hospitalization unless she
agreed to stay in a nursing home for 30 days, so I stayed home for a few
weeks.

I took the Grand Princess out of Galveston on December 3rd with a group of
friends. Then went straight back to my mom's house. She was released from
the nursing home the day after I got back to Longview.

Her cancer had spread, contrary to what the oncologist originally told us
once radiation and chemo were through. It had spread from her left lung to
the right lung (as well as enlarging in the left), both kidneys, her
spleen,
bones and brain (the cause of the strokes).

A couple days after Christmas, we decided it was time to call Hospice to
help us out a little bit.

On February 21st at 9pm my Mother passed away in her sleep. That morning
we
decided to start a sedation therapy, and that allowed her to let go. The
sedation therapy was just one of the many many decisions I had to make
with
no help from my Step Father, brothers or sister. (I literally had no help
from anyone even though they were all there with us)

She was buried yesterday February 25th. Which was also my 35th birthday.
As
hard as that was, I think in the end I'll find it a therapeutic thing. My
mother brought me into the world 35 years ago and on the anniversary of
that, I saw her out of this world.

Taking care of my mother was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I had
absolutely no help until the last week or so when my Grandparents came to
Longview to be there until mom passed. I was having to give her liquid
morphine every hour (as prescribed) through a Foley catheter. She was no
longer able to swallow and the taste and smell of the morphine made her
dry-heave. She had gone 54 days without eating. She got to where she
craved
food, so I would make or buy her whatever she was craving. She and I knew
she couldn't eat it, so I'd cut off small bites of whatever she was
wanting.
She'd chew on it a few times then spit it out. At least she had the
pleasure
of tasting the foods she wanted.

It was difficult when the dementia set in and she had very few lucid
moments. I'll never forget the terror in her eyes every time someone else
tried to adjust her pillows or wet her lips etc... She only wanted me to
do
it.

There was only 1 point where I had to leave her bedroom because of
something
she had said. After giving her the morphine once, she started praying out
loud. She said "God please forgive my son for killing me. I never will and
he'll never forgive himself". I do know that this wasn't my mother
speaking,
but the medication. But no matter what knowledge I have, it still hurt
quite
a bit to hear those words in her voice.

I'm home now and I feel completely lost. It's going to be hard getting
used
to not having to check on my mother every 30 minutes day and night. But I
know in my heart that things are better now. At least her pain and fear
have
ended.

This has been the longest 6 months of my life. And although I know it'll
get
worse before it gets better, I know my mom's no longer hurting or ill.

Now to make this an on topic post:

I've got 4 cruises booked for this year. I'm giving NCL another try on 4/1
on the Dream then on the 8th we're driving to Galveston to board the Grand
Princess again (my 4th time). I'll also be doing the Conquest in October
and
the Grand once again in December. I lucked into an aft balcony cabin for
an
incredibly cheap price, so I couldn't resist booking it (plus they were
running a $100pp deposit special!)

The 4/8 cruise will be nice because a cruising friend is getting married
onboard before we leave port.

So now that I'm home, I should be able to be more active online. At least
to
add my random comments

Hope you all have a great Monday!

LES!

Les, you were the best son that you could have been, and as you move on,
always remember that.

You were the best son you could have been.
--
DG in Cherry Hill, NJ

"LES!" wrote in message
. ..
Hey guys. I know it's been quite a while since I've posted anything here.
I've not had newsgroup access on my laptop. I know I coulda gotten to the
group through the web, but that's entirely too much work for me to mess
with.

On August 1st my Mom was diagnosed with lung cancer. I went to East Texas
to
drive her to chemo and radiation. I was there until mid November. 2 days
after I left (after her radiation and chemo were done with) she had 2 back
to back strokes. Medicaid wouldn't pay for the hospitalization unless she
agreed to stay in a nursing home for 30 days, so I stayed home for a few
weeks.

I took the Grand Princess out of Galveston on December 3rd with a group of
friends. Then went straight back to my mom's house. She was released from
the nursing home the day after I got back to Longview.

Her cancer had spread, contrary to what the oncologist originally told us
once radiation and chemo were through. It had spread from her left lung to
the right lung (as well as enlarging in the left), both kidneys, her
spleen,
bones and brain (the cause of the strokes).

A couple days after Christmas, we decided it was time to call Hospice to
help us out a little bit.

On February 21st at 9pm my Mother passed away in her sleep. That morning
we
decided to start a sedation therapy, and that allowed her to let go. The
sedation therapy was just one of the many many decisions I had to make
with
no help from my Step Father, brothers or sister. (I literally had no help
from anyone even though they were all there with us)

She was buried yesterday February 25th. Which was also my 35th birthday.
As
hard as that was, I think in the end I'll find it a therapeutic thing. My
mother brought me into the world 35 years ago and on the anniversary of
that, I saw her out of this world.

Taking care of my mother was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I had
absolutely no help until the last week or so when my Grandparents came to
Longview to be there until mom passed. I was having to give her liquid
morphine every hour (as prescribed) through a Foley catheter. She was no
longer able to swallow and the taste and smell of the morphine made her
dry-heave. She had gone 54 days without eating. She got to where she
craved
food, so I would make or buy her whatever she was craving. She and I knew
she couldn't eat it, so I'd cut off small bites of whatever she was
wanting.
She'd chew on it a few times then spit it out. At least she had the
pleasure
of tasting the foods she wanted.

It was difficult when the dementia set in and she had very few lucid
moments. I'll never forget the terror in her eyes every time someone else
tried to adjust her pillows or wet her lips etc... She only wanted me to
do
it.

There was only 1 point where I had to leave her bedroom because of
something
she had said. After giving her the morphine once, she started praying out
loud. She said "God please forgive my son for killing me. I never will and
he'll never forgive himself". I do know that this wasn't my mother
speaking,
but the medication. But no matter what knowledge I have, it still hurt
quite
a bit to hear those words in her voice.

I'm home now and I feel completely lost. It's going to be hard getting
used
to not having to check on my mother every 30 minutes day and night. But I
know in my heart that things are better now. At least her pain and fear
have
ended.

This has been the longest 6 months of my life. And although I know it'll
get
worse before it gets better, I know my mom's no longer hurting or ill.

Now to make this an on topic post:

I've got 4 cruises booked for this year. I'm giving NCL another try on 4/1
on the Dream then on the 8th we're driving to Galveston to board the Grand
Princess again (my 4th time). I'll also be doing the Conquest in October
and
the Grand once again in December. I lucked into an aft balcony cabin for
an
incredibly cheap price, so I couldn't resist booking it (plus they were
running a $100pp deposit special!)

The 4/8 cruise will be nice because a cruising friend is getting married
onboard before we leave port.

So now that I'm home, I should be able to be more active online. At least
to
add my random comments

Hope you all have a great Monday!

LES!

"LES!" wrote in message
. ..

On August 1st my Mom was diagnosed with lung cancer. I went to East Texas
to
drive her to chemo and radiation. I was there until mid November. 2 days
after I left (after her radiation and chemo were done with) she had 2 back
to back strokes. Medicaid wouldn't pay for the hospitalization unless she
agreed to stay in a nursing home for 30 days, so I stayed home for a few
weeks.

Les, I remember when you first posted of your Mother's illness and your
plans to go and be with her..I have thought often of you and wondered how
you both were..
I'm very sorry for your loss and admire you for being a good son to the very
end..Sadly, you had to do it alone, but that will be a comfort to you as
years pass; knowing that you were there for your Mom when she needed you
most..Six months of caring for her is a beautiful sign of love..Your
daughter will one day realize what a terrific person she has for a parent..

I'm glad that you turned to Hospice, they are a wonderful group and it would
have been far too difficult for you to be sole caretaker without an
occasional break...too hard physically and mentally.

Whatever your Mom said in her drug induced state, was not really your Mom
talking...it was evident that she trusted you completely when she had fear
in her eyes if anyone but you adjusted her pillow or ministered to her
needs..

God bless and comfort you as you go through the mourning of your Mom..
You deserve all the cruises ahead and you go on them celebrating her life
and keeping your fondest memories of her alive.

--Jean

LES:
MY heart felt sympathies,know what you are going through,we did it with
our son for 2 years,although we miss him so very much,we know he is out
of his pain,and suffering,and god willing it will become easier as time
goes on. surfer e2468

(.a cruise lover.)

Les, sorry to hear about your loss...

Everyone else here said things so much better than I could have.

Life isn't always easy... but it's all we have. We have to play the cards
we're dealt.

Some people step up to the plate better at times than others. Some have
more strength than others. You showed great strength in this difficult
time.

--Tom

Hi, Les,

I, too, am very sorry you have suffered your mother's illness and death.
Your mom was so fortunate to have you at her side giving her such great
support and comfort.

I hope the warm welcome you've received makes you smile. We've missed you.
And what an entrance you've made...stacked and all, LOL!

Best regards,

Diana Ball
near Houston, TX