Checking In - Update!

Thus spake "LES!" :

Hey guys. I know it's been quite a while since I've posted anything here.
I've not had newsgroup access on my laptop. I know I coulda gotten to the
group through the web, but that's entirely too much work for me to mess
with.
snip

I'm so sorry you lost your mom. It's really hard when you're young
and think they'll live "forever". I was 27 and my father was 57 when
he died.

We're going through cancer right now. Not as bad as lung cancer,
though. I wish you had had some more help with your mom.

I'm glad you're still cruising. Sometimes when life really sucks you
have to take a few days off.
--
dillon

Could have been is in the past
Could be is in the future
There is only the now

Les it is great you are back. I remeber only to vividly a similar
situation played out for me in 2000 with the death of my mom from Lung
Cancer. Here is something that helped me shortly after Her passing
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"LES!" wrote in message
. ..

I thought of something after I posted which I did when I lost my mother.

My mother had a heart attack on a Friday night followed by a stroke on
Monday, July 4, 1955, and she died that day. I was in the Army stationed in
Germany and didn't get home until after her funeral.

I was going through her pocketbook a few days later when I found a silver
dollar which I took and put in my pocket and have now carried with me for
over 50 years.

Les, find something of your Mom's and make it yours, and in that way she
will always be with you.
--
DG in Cherry Hill, NJ

(* _ *)

I wanted to thank everyone for their kind words and use a single post to
answer a few questions and make some comments.

Tobie - The October Conquest cruise isn't the Sleazy cruise. Originally I
wanted to do that one, but my Cabin Crawlers group decided to book an
October cruise for our annual group cruise instead of the usual December
one. They voted and chose the October 15th cruise instead. This is also the
same week as the large Cruise Critic group (Saints and Sinners) so it should
be fun.

Dick - My mother wanted me to have her mother's ring, so that's my thing to
keep with me I teased her while she was still lucid that I was going to
have it made into a nipple ring and wear it everywhere. She thought it was
pretty funny

Jo-Ann - Mom did have a living will. Basically, the decisions I had to make
were in regards to her medications. I had to decide when to change her meds
from morphine to methadone, luckily she expressed her desire for the
sedation therapy, but when they returned to administer the IV, I had to
decide for sure on it. Also, when to stop giving her water (it became a
choking hazard about 3 weeks before she passed) etc.. really nothing we
could have predicted or thought to put into her living will. The only thing
she really had listed were no heroic measures and a DNR.

Jean - Hospice is fantastic. They came twice a week to check on mom and we
also had a nurses aid come 3 times a week. It helped to just have a caring
nurse whom I could ask questions and get information from. All the nurses
fully expect me to go to nursing school now lol. Every time they came over,
they would ask me "And when do you start nursing school?". I don't feel like
I have that in me, and besides, I wanna be a teacher when I grow up

Diana - I know, I couldn't come back without at least 2 cruises booked. When
Jarrod told me that I've earned at least 2 cruises this year, I booked 4
lol... now, he also promised to let me buy a new ring on each cruise...
we'll see how many diamonds I get this year grin

I think once I've managed to deal with the loss and the emptiness I feel
I'll be ok. It's just difficult going from 24/7 caregiver to being back
home. Alegra and Kristine are in school during the day, Jarrod's at work, so
I'm a bit lost. The Doctor who founded the Hospice my mother used also
started the Hospice in Albuquerque , so I'm considering doing a little
volunteer work with them. I'm not sure how fulfilling that will be, but once
I feel up to it, it's something I'd like to do.

I'm also not feeling content in Albuquerque anymore. I've promised Jarrod
that I'd give it 6 months to see if I readjust. If not, we'll be relocating.
I'm thinking Tampa or San Diego, but at this point I can't really even think
about anything like that.

Ok, I'll stop with this one lol. You all know that once I get started it's
hard to shut me up blush

LES!




"LES!" wrote in message On February
21st at 9pm my Mother passed away in her sleep. That morning we
decided to start a sedation therapy, and that allowed her to let go. The
sedation therapy was just one of the many many decisions I had to make
with
no help from my Step Father, brothers or sister. (I literally had no help
from anyone even though they were all there with us)

She was buried yesterday February 25th. Which was also my 35th birthday.
As
hard as that was, I think in the end I'll find it a therapeutic thing. My
mother brought me into the world 35 years ago and on the anniversary of
that, I saw her out of this world.

LES! wrote:

I'm home now and I feel completely lost. It's going to be hard getting used
to not having to check on my mother every 30 minutes day and night. But I
know in my heart that things are better now. At least her pain and fear have
ended.

This has been the longest 6 months of my life. And although I know it'll get
worse before it gets better, I know my mom's no longer hurting or ill.

snip

I've got 4 cruises booked for this year. I'm giving NCL another try
on 4/1 on the Dream


Les, I am so sorry for your loss. Your mother was very lucky to have a
son who would take the time to take care of her when she needed you
the most. I have seen so many elderly people who got no help at all
from their kids. I know how hard it was for you taking care of her, I
was the only one there to take care of my mom during her last months.

It is a huge change being home now, but you will get over that lost
feeling with time. It is harder for you then it was for me, not only
the lenght of time you were with her, but you are so much younger then
I was at the time. My mother and I knew it was her time and I think
that helped alot.

Hospice is a wonderful group and I send regular contibutions to them.
They were not only wonderful to my mom, but they really cared about me
also.

I am very glad to see that you have some cruises lined up already. I
see you have one on 4/1 and that isn't very far away. Planning and
getting ready for your cruise is the best medicine for you right now.
We had a cruise booked for 2 1/2 weeks after I got home from taking
care of my mom. I wanted to cancel and curl up in a corner, the cruise
was the best thing for me at the time.

Again, your mother was lucky to have you as a son!!

sue

"LES!" wrote:
I'm a bit lost. The Doctor who founded the Hospice my mother used also
started the Hospice in Albuquerque , so I'm considering doing a little
volunteer work with them. I'm not sure how fulfilling that will be, but
once I feel up to it, it's something I'd like to do.

LES, just wanted to comment that being a hospice volunteer can be extremely
rewarding, and I certainly think your positive attitude generally and your
unique experience with the terminal illness of your mother makes you
well-suited if you want to pursue the idea. However, you are wise to
consider it for sometime down the road. Having been through the experience
of losing a loved one to cancer, I know I couldn't put myself out there as a
hospice volunteer for a long time after that. It is emotionally uplifting
and draining enough without any personal grief in your life.

Take care,

Diana

That was very helpful, Jo-Ann...thank you

--
jtc

wrote in message
oups.com...
Jo-Ann - Mom did have a living will. Basically, the decisions I had
to
make
were in regards to her medications. I had to decide when to change
her
meds
from morphine to methadone, luckily she expressed her desire for the
sedation therapy, but when they returned to administer the IV, I had
to

decide for sure on it. Also, when to stop giving her water (it
became a

choking hazard about 3 weeks before she passed) etc.. really nothing
we

could have predicted or thought to put into her living will. The
only
thing
she really had listed were no heroic measures and a DNR.


Les, that is exactly why I listed "No IV fluids" in my living will.
I
took care of many dying patients, and family members have a hard
time
withholding fluids. But it is heartbreaking as a nurse to see
family
members requesting IV's to be put in to keep them hydrated, when
that
just prolongs the dying process in many cases. If a patient is able
to
take sips, fine. But if not, I've had to educate some families on
why
they really don't want to start an IV. Their loved one isn't
"starving" to death or dying of thirst.

I also wrote in my living will that I wanted pain management
"regardless of it's effect on my level of consciousness." Again,
many
families wish for their loved ones to be lucid to the end. If they
can
be and still have their pain managed, fine. But if not, it is far
more
merciful to let them sleep out their last hours.

One can be very specific in their Living Wills; it doesn't just have
to
be a DNR. You can list exactly what you do and do not want.

Jo-Ann

Les,
My deepest sympathy to you.
Your post brought tears to my eyes. I lost my very best friend to
throat cancer March 15,2005. I still am having a difficult time
accepting that I can no longer just pop in and see him in his
apartment.
We did many cruises together. He first had the cancer 6 years ago and
to everyones surprise chemo actually helped him and the cancer
completely disappeared for 5 years.
I am grateful that this comeback enabled us to cruise a few more times.


For a year before his passing, he again had chemo but to no avail. I
watched him slowly get worse over that time. First the feeding tube and
then the trach. He was a professor at ASU and almost to the end he
explored ways that he could teach online because he could no longer
talk. He just loved his work so much.We also used a wonderful Hospice
for the last couple of weeks of his life

He had a fairly large amount of money in his retirement fund which he
left me. This did produce the blessing that now I can afford to take
care of my mother and was able to quit my job. She has dementia and
parkinsons, but is very happy and laughs a lot. When I say "I love
you", She always says "I love you too." She is the same sweet person
she always was.

You should be very proud that you were there for your Mom when she
needed you the most. Truly a job well done....as difficult as it was.